Seeking Validation?

A ripe pineapple does not need to ask if it is sweet or not because it is always sweet and the pineapple knows this. I am yet to taste a bitter pineapple though.

It is surprising how a lot of people tend to be totally obsessed with seeking validation from people before they can do anything for themselves. Sometimes, we want people to value and approve of our actions, that is why we ask questions especially when it has to do with our set goals. But I have observed that there is a tendency to quit dreaming just because someone whom you discussed your dreams with told you that your dreams are not realistic. (It is possible that the person is being truthful, especially if you told the person that you want to build a castle in the air, but other dreams such as owning your own business, getting a Phd, raising a family, being the richest in your family, etc., can be a reality).

Let me sight an example, Tonia wants to start a business and she already has a mental picture of how she wants the structure to be. She discusses her idea with five people, one of them tells her the idea is good but that she needs a lot of money (which she obviously does not have) to execute her plan so she should think of another business that does not require so much money to start. Two people tell her not to wait till she gets all the money to start big (like renting a three bedroom apartment and buying major equipment needed), but that she should start from her one room apartment. The other two people advise Tonia to add more services to the ones she already plans to do which would increase her income, when she starts the business. Indeed, all of them advised well but it is left for Tonia to sit and analyse all the advice she has received to know the one that best suits her vision and plans.

Please note that no one can live your dreams for you and no one can really comprehend them because you are the one who knows what you want out of life and you are also the only one who can put the necessary plans in place to make your dreams become a reality. It is so bad that some people may have to seek the opinion of ten to fifteen people, before they can proceed to do any other thing (this can lead to confusion).

The truth is, you really do not need anyone to approve of your life’s decision. Although, it is important to seek advice when you have to but you need to be wise enough to weigh the advice and ensure it tallies with your goals. This is why it is very okay to have a mentor if you want to have one, and your mentor should be someone you can easily have access to so that you can be properly guided when you need directions. It is easy to pick a celebrity as your mentor because the person’s lifestyle inspires you but having a mentor that knows you and can always talk to you, is the best.

P.S: Validate means to recognize or affirm the validity or worth of (a person or their feelings or opinions); or to cause (a person) to feel valued or worthwhile.


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