Who decides what?

During my days in the university as a student of sociology, there was this argument about if the society makes people or if it is the people that makes the society. Because I find that as people are being socialized into the society – that is, as people learn the norms and values of the society, I cannot help but wonder who decides what is accepted or not accepted in the society. In my own opinion, it is only normal to believe that it is the people that makes the society because society cannot exist without people. Therefore, it is definitely the people that makes the rules they expect people to obey. So while we expect people to behave in certain ways, who really decides what is good or bad? At the end of the day, certain people ends up imposing what they think or feel is right on others.

Wondering where I am going with this my plenty talk? Well, I am really tired of the pressure society is putting on women or rather the expectations most people have that the woman is supposed to be the one to ensure there is peace in her home: when the husband does something wrong, you will hear words like forgive him, talk to him, cook for him, see him as your son whom you will not push away when he misbehaves, keep praying for him, smile and welcome him when he returns home from work…etc. Really????? Yes the Holy Book says that women should be submissive to their husbands, but it also says that the man should love his wife. So when a man truly loves his wife, would he do the things he knows would hurt her? If the man wants a submissive wife, then he should genuinely love her and constantly make her feel loved.

In my opinion, a woman that is hurting should not be told all those things I mentioned above (except to forgive of course). The men should let go of their ego or whatever it is that makes them feel untouchable or superior and learn to fix their homes when there is a problem that could be threatening the peace in their homes. Same thing goes for the woman when she is at fault too. In any conflict resolution, it takes the two parties involved to resolve their problems and not one party expecting the other to make things work.

After all, some women are breadwinners in their families so there is now a mind shift in the society where people do not expect the men to provide. So in the same way, people should stop expecting the women to do certain things. All these expectations from society could be burdensome. That is why it has left me wondering about who really makes all these “unseen” rules? Who really decides what is obtainable and acceptable in the society? In summary, I will just say that it is important for a couple to know what works for them in their home. You can seek godly advice when needed but please no one should dictate to you what should be done in your home. Especially when it comes to raising kids. What if my child is comfortable using her left hand, then one man or woman will be forcing her to use her right hand for only God knows what reason. What if a couple wants to stay some years before they start raising kids, then society people will start putting pressure on the woman as if it is the woman’s fault to not want to have a child yet. Once again, I will say that you should never allow pressure from anyone to make you do anything you are not ready to do or something you do not believe in.

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